Full Circle…Almost

We secured an entire floor of the ocean liner for our return to the islands. They had become a strange part of our group and we were now, as a whole, something far removed from humanity. La Safer seemed to always know what I held near and dear and I suppose for anyone who paid any attention it wouldn’t be difficult because there is not much that still means anything. From the very start he played on my emotions and now I feared he was wantonly tainting a place I had claimed for myself, and a people I had hoped to save, in the main, from my curse.

The five of us shared a double cabin, or rather adjacent cabins made one by opened double doors. As explained by my faux wife and daughter the others, six of them, were mostly followers. But, they were absolutely loyal to La Safer and in his absence Sophie and Victoria. Victoria though, seemed more capable of leading as she only looked like my daughter. In a strange way, she looked like a bit of both of us and as much as I was fascinated by how much Sophie had become well Sophie I was stunned by how much Victoria looked like the daughter I never had. Their abilities were truly remarkable.

Victoria seemed fascinated with me and spoke with the confidence of someone who had lived beyond my existence. Her manner unnerved Louis and Elizabeth and they studied her with less fascination than I. Rest was a luxury we set aside, there were infinitely more pressing matters at hand. Our darkened images were partly illuminated by the flames from a few lamps. It was better to avoid the smug and interchangeably pitiful looks while we spoke.

“What have you decided Nicholas, what will you do when you are again before your father?” Victoria asked her sense of superiority and mild amusement undisguised in her tone.

“La Safer is not my father.” I said evenly. “And I am still not certain what I will do when I see him. But I know I must.”

“Why Trinidad?” Louis enquired. “Why is this place important to him?”

“It’s not important to him. No place is really.” Sophie said.

“It’s important to me. It became important to me.” I said. “I saw glimpses of who I was there, and experienced things I feared were lost…maybe they are now.”

I could almost see Victoria’s smile widen and in that moment I pitied her. She may have thought she knew La Safer, but in his actions I saw the truth of his existence. The only constant was his lies.

I stood, smoothing my hair back and re-tying my ponytail. I adjusted my coat and walked out the door of our cabin. Moments later the announcement of our eminent arrival at the Port of Spain, Trinidad was repeated through the halls. Sounds of Christmas calypsos filled the air mingled with sounds of merriment and on the shores of the beautiful Caribbean isle an unnatural welcoming committee awaited us.

Out of No way

It was clear that while Antonio may have been surprised by our attack, La Safer not only expected our offensive he wanted it to happen. His intent was for this to be a battle of attrition. He wanted natural selection to take place. Only the strong could lead his cause.

What I had learned, beyond the fact that the woman before me was neither a woman nor my wife, was that we had somehow managed to eradicate all others of our kind in our attack. Moreover, what was left were beings that were alike us but also very different. They existed on the fringe of all that was possible and I was certain that I had not yet experienced the full measure of their abilities.

The woman, who was not Sophie, seemed fully possessed by the essence of my wife and incapable of returning to anything closer to her ‘normal’ state. The other, who was not my daughter however, had little problems finding her true state and exercising an intangible hold over Louis and Elizabeth. Our abilities to beguile mortals and bend them to our will had no effect on any of our mystical captors.

There was no violence or any real physical threat of it, yet they could not bring themselves to resist her hold or leave. I was not as restricted, but I refused to leave without my comrades, and then there was Sophie…or rather her spirit.

It was all part of La Safer’s plan. He intended to show me that I was a pawn in a game, greater than my persistent humanity would allow me to accept. He wanted me to see how grand his plans were for me and how much would be mine if I would only accept my destined place and what I was.

We were being kept here until he saw fit to grace us with his presence, at which time he would expect me to acquiesce. His plan was having its intended effect. The inertia of our circumstance coupled with the hopelessness I felt from my faux Sohpie and my comrades planted a seed. It was all I could do not to reconsider everything, including my philosophical stand on my existence.

Sophie began all our conversations with either a verbal or explicit visual apology. More than anything she wished she could end her own torture and be free of the emotions that seemed to belong to her a bit more with each moment we shared. The grey cloud of expectancy hung over us all for days. I had had enough. This needed to end one way or another and when I looked into her eyes, I could tell she knew what I was going to ask.

“I can’t sit and wait for my fate to be sealed, by La Safer. Not again, not anymore.”

“Please Nicholas. I couldn’t do it myself…I don’t know if any of this is real, but I couldn’t bare your death for however long this conscious lasts.”

I smiled and touched her face, repeating to myself that she was not Sophie…not quite, and I certainly was no longer a Nicholas that my Sophie would recognize.

“You can take me to him, can’t you?”

The tears streamed down her face and her lips shook as she tried to smile.

“He said you would know when it was time. Yes I would rather not, but I can take you to him.”

“Good.” I said simply, accepting all that was to come. My destiny. “Take me to him.”

Sophie

I opened my eyes and for a moment and was overcome by the emotion of all that occurred. I allowed myself to believe it was a dream. But the memories were too vivid, too real. Instinctively I reached for my side and felt neither tender tissue nor scarring of any kind. Still, our affliction left us free from the physical reminders of violence.

I felt the soft cotton of the sheets with my bare feet and looked down to confirm that I was naked save for the dark slacks I wore to Antonio’s coven. I sat up and looked around the well-appointed room. I listened intently and could hear Louis and Elizabeth in quiet discussion down the hall from where I lay. Was I still there? My answer was not far off. Sophie’s scent filled my senses.

She seemed to appear from the darkness to my left, where an ornate chair of burgundy colored oak faced me. Her eyes were tinged with sorrow and when she spoke it was with an even soothing cadence that was familiar.

“It is easy to see why he is so fond of you Nicholas. What is left of your humanity is what makes you so…valuable. With you he can gain so much more.”

Seeing her in the soft evening light I felt, once again, as if I was looking at her for the very first time. She looked into my eyes and forced a smile and I reached for my side again as I spoke.

“What have they done to you Sophie?”

She turned her back to me, looking out the window, her attention on things beyond the garden view.

“I’m sorry.” She began. “We…I too have been given abilities. We are both immortals in a sense. Only, you know that you can kill others like yourself. I have the ability to assume the identities of others, amongst other talents. All I require is personal effects from that person and a bit of flesh or blood and I am…I am able to claim their memories as my own and physically become that person.”

I could hear her voice breaking and I pressed my lids shut as she continued, certain of what she would say next.

“I thought he loved me. He treated me so well…so when he told me of this plan he had where I would never have to be anyone else but this person. I believed him. I believed this would be the last time. I should of known that something was wrong.” She wiped away some tears and took a deep breath, steadying herself before she continued.

“I had never become someone who had died before, and I had no idea how it would affect me. I feel like I am Sophie especially since I no longer remember who I am. But I knew I could not deceive you, because when I looked into your eyes I could feel your love for her and I also feel her love for you.”

I felt the sensation of weeping, but there were no tears.

“So you are not Sophie?” I said softly.

“Yes and No. I have tried to become another, or even return to my original form. But since I have become her,” she said turning again to face me. “I have not been able to be anyone else.”

I could not help but look into her eyes and sense and feel that she was who she had become.

“Why?” I asked, getting off the bed and going to her. “Why did you try to kill me?”

She touched my face before she answered.

“Sweet Nicholas. I was trying to save you.”

Vengeance

I felt the feral, supernatural energy coursing through every fiber of my being. The weapons I carried became extensions of my body. Elizabeth and Louis both agreed that they would not expect us to attack at dawn, in daylight. They would not be defenseless, but our kind was at the peak of their powers at night. As I gave more of myself to my dark nature, I sensed every one of my kind behind the walls of Antonio’s sanctuary.

I doubled my steps quietly as I approached the large door carved from oak that was only dwarfed by two large pillars. I stopped just before the door and hit it with an open palm, which rocked it violently off its hinges. The door fell in a cloud of dust and I felt Elizabeth and Louis enter on either side of me, beheading two vampires on their way to the other rooms on the ground level. Three of them were on me, moving like mortals who still had not understood their new nature. I easily avoided their attacks moving like the wind to their rare. As they turned the first two met the business ends of the short swords, extended from each of my hands. As there heads hit the floor with a sickening thud, I looked for a moment at the clean cut through skin, bone and cartilage that had ended their existence. The last of my attackers hesitated for far too long and as he took a calming breath his head joined those of his comrades.

Blood dripped from my blades and pumped from splayed arteries, soaking into the parched floor. Elizabeth and Louis rejoined me soaked in the same sticky liquid, their fangs bared as a measure of their intent. At the top of the wide staircase, which began with a gentle curve, stood Antonio calm and regally attired. He held a long blade to Sophie’s throat. Others, who seemed to await his command, stood between us. They were all female. Antonio sliced into Sophie’s throat and licked the blood off his blade. I felt four arms struggle against my body as I tried to move forward. Antonio looked into my eyes and smiled.

“Very wise.” He said pressing his blade against her fresh wound.

“Where is Victoria?” I asked trying to hide my concern.

His laugh echoed through the halls.

“I do see why father favors you. For a time I too loved you, after all you have given me the greatest gift. But you are in no position to demand anything anymore.”

I looked at my comrades and nodded. They released my arms and I returned my blades to their sheaths. I walked slowly forward with my empty palms facing Antonio.

“You are right of course.” I said fixing my gaze on Sophie, which seemed to calm her somewhat. “So I only ask what you would have me do now?”

“Stop!” He commanded with one step separating us. I smiled at Sophie before returning my full attention to Antonio. As I looked into his eyes I could hear the rhythm of his supernatural heart and when I spoke again it was as lyrics to his internal song.

“You no longer require the services of your soucouyants.”

“No.” He answered with a smile. “I no longer require your services. Return to your quarters.” He concluded with a wave of his hand. They hissed at me as they retreated behind him. When they were gone I continued.

“May I speak with Sophie?”

“Of course.” He replied his serene smile fixed.

“Sophie, my love, are you well?”

“Yes.” She said simply, seemingly unable to say any more.

“Good.” I said evenly.

“Antonio you look tired let me take Sophie from you.”

“Thank you.” He said releasing her from his grip. As she stepped behind me I raised a short sword at my side and brought it up in a smooth arc.

“Good bye my friend.” I said as his severed head rolled down the steps.

I felt more emotion at this moment than I thought I would. It felt as if cold steel was plunged into my side and twisted. I looked down to see blood dripping from my side and turned to see Louis and Elizabeth surrounded by others from the coven and Sophie with a bloodied blade in her hand. The room swirled and before the darkness engulfed me I heard a voice say.

“Sorry my love, I’m not quite who you think I am.”

Truth

I was still open to Eli’s counsel although I had not seen him since Louis found me. In many ways Louis had taken his place. With Louis’ military background and intimate knowledge of Antonio’s nest we sought to turn experience and insight to our advantage. I listened to Louis recount all that had happened while I was trying to start over in the Caribbean.

La Safer left him to discover his affliction alone for nearly a century before he saw him again. No longer human and unable to control the source of his supernatural existence, Louis struggled with his blood lust until La Safer returned and revealed the power of his abilities and the privileged place he now held over humanity. Not before long though, he grew tired of the deceit and cruelty of his new father and found ways to distance himself from La Safer’s methods.

As I listened to Louis I was grateful that I had found true allies. I also felt a deep sense of regret and remorse for their existence because I felt, in some way, I played a role in them being made into what I am. Whether or not La Safer could, himself put an end to our existence as he had often implied he seemed to enjoy having others do his bidding and in this trait I saw both his strength and vulnerability. I thought of the fact that some could not be turned into what we had become, that in some way we were all complacent in our desires to be more than we were entitled to be. We could feed on most anyone that we desired but in the process of glamouring them if they did not extend an invitation to us, our abilities were not as effective.

Slowly I understood why some could not be made why in the process of trying to make some in our own image death was the outcome. What we saw as a sign of their inferiority and weakness was in fact quite the opposite. These individuals had desired nothing more than to be human and this, in of itself, was a strength.

As Elizabeth eagerly questioned Louis my almost physical epiphany continued. Much of La Safer’s power lay in our belief that there were no limits to his abilities, but I was more certain now that much like us he had limits and a very possible end. A smile teased the corners of my mouth and the comforting sound of their conversation ceased.

“You seem strangely at ease?” Elizabeth asked with a puzzled look on her face.

“How do you feel?” I asked, smiling now at both of them.

“What?” Louis asked.

“Both of you. How do you feel?”

“Tired.” Elizabeth responded with undisguised irritation. “Angry, ready to be free of this.”

“What is this about Nicholas?” Louis asked with some concern on his face.

“Listen.” I began raising my hands to calm them. “You’re both tired, angry and frustrated with our predicament I’m sure. But there is no longer that fear of what is going to happen to us.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened as I continued because she had not given any thought to the now absent fear that had become her constant companion.

“I can’t explain how I know for certain, but I am sure that we hold a considerable advantage in this impending confrontation with La Safer and Antonio. Their gravest error is underestimating our abilities.” I stood up and looked into their eyes in turn. “We head out at dawn. Tomorrow we return with Sophie and Victoria, so rest well. Much blood will be shed.”

Resurrection

Seeing my wife and a grown daughter who shared our features, felt less real to me than my own extraordinary existence…but the truth of my own circumstance made this is impossible reality at the very least plausible. I had buried my dead pregnant wife with my own two hands, along with my humanity. Now I felt like I was being given an opportunity to reclaim all I had lost. I was overwhelmed and consumed by fear.

Louis was almost as old as I was and seemed more comfortable with his abilities. He also seemed more certain of my place as the most powerful of our kind, second only to La Safer, whose true agenda and abilities were still mostly unknown. Still, we were cautious in our observation of Sophie and the daughter she called Victoria. The daughter cast an almost maternal watch on the mother who was in the constant company of at least ten vampire guards when she walked the grounds of Antonio’s castle like house.

On this evening she tended to the flowers in the substantial garden with a pained expression in her eyes. This activity had always brought her peace and contentment at our home, in a life that now felt strangely like someone else’s. Now she appeared tired, distracted, and perhaps even afraid. Louis kept a firm hand on my shoulder as a reminder that we had not yet formed a plan and that we should have one before we acted.

But behind Sophie’s sorrowful expression I saw a glimpse of something so familiar and as she pruned a rose bush her lips recited a song that only my wife would know because she created it when she found out we were going to have our first child.

‘My love, my love, we have created a new

A brand new life a replica for true

In their eyes I see me and you

My Nicholas It’s my gift to you…’

I blinked tears away and tried to focus on Victoria. She seemed full of life and promise. She was never far from Sophie and in her erect posture and uncompromising gaze I sensed a strong will that seemed all but broken in my Sophie. As we crouched within the canopy of the old tree, less than half my age we were not only physically camouflaged, but our essences were undetectable to those younger and less sophisticated than Louis and myself.

“What do you see?” Louis asked quietly, calmly looking at me.

“I’m not quite sure.”

“I know you were understandably skeptical when I told you about them, but now that you have seen them for yourself?”

“I believe.”

Louis nodded solemnly.

“What would you have us do?” He asked with his head still bowed.

“I think it best that you tell me all that there is to know about this nest.” I began, once again focused on Sophie.

“Then?”

“Then you, Elizabeth and I will come to them when they are most vulnerable and take what is rightfully ours.”

“What of Antonio and La Safer?”

I turned and looked into Louis’ eyes and spoke with quiet certainty as the weight of our existence settled on me.

“The father and the son must be destroyed Louis, I can no longer ignore my responsibility.”

Blindside

News of my cousin’s death was reported long before I left France. It was one of the incidents that made my decision easier. There is a tomb with his name in Condé with the simple epitaph - Patriot. Son. Friend. There are many graves of the fallen in our homeland with little or no remains. Still, the sight of my very alive cousin was both beautiful and unnerving. In the interim he had obviously done well for himself and the comfortable cottage that I now sat in felt personal. There was a fire roaring from the modestly ornate fireplace and I sat uncomfortably in a very plush chair facing it. There was little said between us on our way to his place and as he stood with his back to me, the reality of what he might be settled with me.

“I appreciate your words on my tomb, and I’m truly sorry about not reaching out to you before.” He finally said.

“Should I ask?”

“What I am?” He said turning to face me. “I think you know.”

“How?”

“I should be dead, I suppose. We were on the frontline, and we were outnumbered. Men were falling all around me. The injured and those of us still living tried to escape the blades and gunpowder, but all seemed lost. That’s when it happened. I felt the sharp pain of cold steel enter my side before being twisted and I could feel my life slipping away. On the brink of my permanent sleep I felt myself being carried by strong hands, by a powerful body. Before too long, I felt the warm sticky liquid being dripped onto my lips and into my mouth and I felt my strength which was all but gone, return slowly at first and then it was surging. I opened my eyes to this…this thing that I was feeding from and it filled me with terror. Then I slept, or maybe I died, I am not certain which but when I did open my eyes again I was not the same. I felt the presence of the entity that had changed my existence, only now he seemed to be the most beautiful human I have ever seen.”

“La Safer.” I whispered in contempt.

“Yes. He told me his name and said simply that he had given me the greatest gift that any one could. He didn’t only save my life, but he had given me eternal life. I had so many questions, but all he would say is that everything had a cost.”

I saw the pain in his eyes as he continued.

“I soon understood what this cost was, and I could not burden anyone, especially you, with what I had become.”

“I’m so sorry Louis. But I have always suspected that you knew that I too was remade into to what you are now.”

“I knew that you were changed. That was easy to see, more confident, somehow wiser. But I thought that you were just changed by all that you had lost and I still saw the pain in your eyes. Now I understand why.”

I stood up overcome by the emotion and hugged him. We held each other for a moment before I stepped back and patted his shoulders.

“It is good to see you Louis, circumstances be damned.”

“It is good to see you as well.” He said waving to my seat as he sat in an identical replica facing me.

“You are the oldest of our kind.” He said smiling grimly. “But there are many now. And La Safer is not pleased with your reluctance to assume control…to execute his plans. But then he is not to pleased with me either.”

“What did he ask of you?”

“He asked me to convince you of the wisdom in accepting your destiny.”

“Or?” I saw the discomfort and hesitation before he answered.

“Or you will never see your wife again.” He finally said, unable to hold my gaze.

“What? Sophie died from the plague Louis you know that. I buried her myself.”

“I know.” He said looking me in the eyes. “But, I have seen her and.” He paused.

“And what?”

“And your daughter.”

His words reverberated in the long silence that lingered and I no longer felt any warmth from the fire.

Control

La Safer was the architect. He had convinced Antonio that he should lead our kind forward and that I must be destroyed before he could claim his place as the favored son. La Safer had given me my dark abilities and allowed me my free will on the condition that I would play my part in his design. I suppose I have never really lived up to my promise of ruthlessness. For that though, there was still time.

Elizabeth recalled, in great detail, where she stayed with Antonio before she was allowed to leave. I didn’t need to see this place myself; I could sense how close he was. I was ready. I was feeding regularly, for the first time in decades, because I needed to be at the height of my powers for what lay ahead.

I left Elizabeth to rest in the daylight hours while I observed Antonio and his growing nest. He had become stronger, more confident in his abilities, but his arrogance had also progressed unchecked. His unnatural abilities were clouded by his ego which also impaired his ability to impart proper instruction to his novice charges. They were feral, and wore their contempt for humans beneath the thinnest veils. I, who had mastered many of my abilities, could be a few short yards from them unnoticed as I assessed their numbers and inferior abilities.

It had been twenty-one days, and Elizabeth was becoming anxious about our next move. Moreover because I had said little about what that move would be. She was not yet ready to face what we had to and was only just recovering from her infection. Still, I felt her fear and uncertainty, symptoms of the sickness.

She observed as I packed a leather satchel with two curved daggers and a longer straight blade, half a foot shorter than a sword. It was not uncommon for persons, of means, to commission blacksmiths to make weapons to particular specifications. I had found a very skilled blacksmith who made ceremonial pieces for nobility and army officials and made certain of his discretion before rewarding him handsomely for what I required. He employed a little know Asian technique of refolding the metal numerous times making the blades, sharper and more durable.

“Should I ask where we’re going?”

“WE are not going anywhere. I will be back before nightfall.” I said adjusting my street clothes and the smudges on my face.

“Impressive.” She said appraising my appearance, trying unsuccessfully to hide her concern. “If I didn’t know better I would think that you were a vagabond who has broken into the room.”

“I will see you soon. Be vigilant.” I said locking eyes with her before walking out the door.

There was a light rain throughout the day and the mud from many of the side streets could be seen splattered against expanding cobblestone streets and walls. Antonio had made it his custom to frequent a restaurant four blocks from where we stayed, always in the company of one of three of his new female soucouyants. He looked as if he belonged to nobility, and I suppose he did share some of the characteristic of some conferred the title.

I observed them from my vantage point in the alley across from the restaurant. I saw Antonio give a, near imperceptible, nod to different members of his nest as they entered and sat in different areas of the restaurant. I passed for a street vagrant and was unnoticed as I reached into my worn satchel and checked my weapons. It was time to reveal myself to Antonio. As I relaxed my focus revealing my essence I felt a presence to my back. I turned in disbelief at the sight before me. Impossible I thought. His voice interrupted my reverie.

“Come Nicholas, quickly! Before you act there is more you must understand.”

Antonio was on his feet searching the images outside the window for the presence he suddenly felt. But Louis and I had already disappeared into a human sea of flesh and despair.

Fear & Loathing

I could not move. My thoughts were clear and I could almost read his, but I was paralyzed. La Safer was inches from my face, mocking me, laughing in disgust. His dark wings were fully extended, as were his fangs, I felt dwarfed by his size and intent. Still, he did not touch me; he made no attempt to express his contempt violently. That’s when I understood that this visit was about fear and the promise of the pain to come. This was about re-asserting the control he felt was assured with my making. As I relaxed his words became clear.

“I think this is what I find most disappointing about you my son. You have so much ability, so much promise.” At this his express softened. “But, I suppose there is an eventuality to your actions. I know I have disappointed my father, but in betraying you your apprentice has proven himself loyal and deserving of the place I have set for you. Did you honestly feel that you could exercise discretion with these abilities, that you could lend some nobility to feeding on mankind? This was about so much more, but you have abdicated your responsibility and with it the power that was promised. I shall enjoy seeing Antonio take from you what is now his.”

His eyes widened as my mouth curled into a smile. “This attempt to poison my senses with fear is admirable but ultimately flawed. I know you are powerful, but I have observed the relationship between power and mortals and I have come to understand that key in these relationships is a desire by those who become disadvantaged to give up something in the exchange. I refuse to engage you on your terms and I feel certain that if it were within your will or power to introduce me to my end that I would have met it by now. So, send your favored Antonio to do your biding, but I promise you it is I who will take from him what I am entitled too.” La Safer’s expression and mood darkened as I continued. “I’m sure, we both have much to do.”

I opened my eyes and found Elizabeth sitting across the room. Her eyes were fixed on me, but her thoughts were elsewhere.

“You should get some rest.”

“Yes.” She said forcing a smile and straightening herself in the chair. “I just felt that we should not both be asleep.”

“Fear is one of their weapons. We must make them earn their advantage.”

She lowered her head as she spoke. “Of course. I saw your body tense for a few moments but then you became so peaceful.”

“Yes, I spoke to La Safer.”

“You what, how?” She asked sitting forward.

“He came to me in a dream. It was intended as a warning I suppose, but it turned out to be quite instructive. I am beginning to understand that there is a lot at stake in our struggle. More than our existences, and I have inadvertently chosen a side. Ironically it is a choice I would have thought was impossible, because of our dark abilities.” I left the warmth and comfort of the bed and put on a luxurious cotton robe before parting the drapes of our room and allowing in some of the fading light. “My part in this matter has been decided.” I continued with my back to her. “But I must ask your feelings on this because I feel that the road ahead will be filled with treachery and death, perhaps even for us. So, if you desire some existence beyond this moment and you are not committed to this course I do understand. In fact, it is I who is their focus-”

“Please Nicholas.” She interrupted, her face moist with tears. “Even if I were not loyal to you, it is clear that I would only be another means of inflicting some sort of pain or punishment on you. I fear you are stuck with me.”

“Good.” I said turning to face her. “It is time we signal our own intent.”

The Game

Elizabeth did not appear to be thriving in her new surroundings. She was certainly capable of more emotion than Antonio thought and I felt what I saw in her was at least in some small measure, remorse. As we sat in the quiet corner of a restaurant, not far from the harbor, she related the hours of terror while I was away. She spoke of Antonio and evil possession and managed a little smile at the irony since we are, after all, not quite creatures of light. I studied her body language and her eyes as she spoke and was struck by more than just her words. There was something in her manner I had never sensed before, fear.

Eli had joined us as well, but even though he had been in my presence he had not spoken to me since before the incident on my estate in Trinidad. Perhaps I had chosen not to hear what he had to say. There was concern in his eyes, and not only for Elizabeth.

I reached across the table for her slightly shaking, gloved hand and she let out a breath that seemed to relax her some. She had been talking for almost an hour, filling me in on every detail, intent but not quite desperate to convince me of her innocence in the events. As our half filled cups of tea cooled before us I had heard enough.

“So. He says he was summoned by a Mr. La Safer?”

“Yes.”

“And he believes he can become the most powerful of our kind with La Safer’s help?”

“Yes…after meeting with him, he was changed. He let me go and said I was not worthy. I could return to you if that was my desire he said almost sincerely.”

“I see.” I said, as some concern tainted my expression.

“There is more.” She said, becoming troubled once again by my expression.

“Go on.”

“He says that La Safer is disappointed with you and that he is destined to lead our kind…that you need not bother looking for him. He will find you.”

“Interesting.” I said, just above a whisper. My mysterious maker had reached out to my protégé and he was now convinced of his superiority.

“Have you seen La Safer?”

“I have not. But, I have seen his influence on Antonio.” She said looking around and holding herself as though chilled by the memory.

“Since I was allowed to leave, I feel followed by a constant presence.” She continued. “I am not used to this. Something is hunting me…”

“Do you feel this presence now?”

“Yes.”

“So do I. I felt it before we entered the harbor. When I saw you, I thought perhaps it was just your presence that I felt, but…there is something more at work here.”

“What do we do?” She asked, pleading with her eyes. I studied her and decided that this uncertainty and fear diminished her and made her abilities less effective. It was part of their game. Fear is contagious and debilitating and it was only their opening salvo.

“Where you’re staying now is not safe. We must find a new place. I will get you new things.” I said smiling. “We have extraordinary spirits but we are still somewhat limited by our mortal forms. It means that this game, that they have initiated, has its limits. I believe that our disadvantage is not as sever as it may appear.”

We needed to counter our enemies and were about to embark on another quest. One that would, eventually, lead us back to the Caribbean and more unlikely allies.

Exile

I exiled myself from the islands that I had grown to love and where I had felt truly at home. Before I could return I needed to embark on a quest to purge the world of others of my kind and anyone or thing that would stand in my way. When I allowed my reason to resurface I knew it was unlikely that Elizabeth was a part of Antonio’s plot, but her absence spoke to either her death or consent. Antonio though, was my primary focus. Before I had re-made him, he was content with his work and life on the island. But he had been unhappy for some time and seemed to long for a location more befitting of his supernatural status.

It was easy for Antonio to return to Spain, but he would risk chance encounters with family and acquaintances from his previous life. Passage to England was even simpler as ships left Port of Spain every week for the colony. Antonio was well prepared. I know this because I had delivered goods for transport on a ship he was most likely on. His attack was cunning, brazen and unexpected. Were I not his target I might even have allowed myself some admiration. His intent was not only to kill, but to inflict as much pain as possible and he was successful. I had paid a hefty price for underestimating him. The counter though, is that he too had underestimated me and that mistake would also be fatal.

He knew that if I survived I would have to put my ‘house’ in order before I found for him. I was definitely enraged, but I was also very pragmatic. I had considerable land holdings and financial interests and understood the importance of these matters in my protracted existence. Antonio understood this as well and had stolen enough from me to make, another, new start for himself. Two weeks after Kayla’s death I boarded an ocean liner for Port Elizabeth, England.

The weeks spent on the open sea were challenging for me. I had controlled my blood lust for nearly two decades with Kayla. Satisfying my bloodlust within the confines of a floating hotel, without arousing suspicion was infinitely more difficult. I wish I could say that I didn’t feed, that a number of persons are not resting at the ocean’s floor as a result. But this is not a work of fiction.

What makes my particular condition unique is that I struggle to recapture a humanity that moves further beyond my grasp with each passing moment. I no longer have the ability to have casual experiences, to compartmentalize…I am present and clear in all that I do and everything I experience. I have total recall, which means I can never escape my actions. I see every face in my dreams and sometimes I am not even asleep when I have these visions. It is the invisible price we pay for our abilities and for me the most difficult to manage.

As we neared Port Elizabeth the scent of salt in the air mixed with the scent of food, body odor and something beyond human. More powerful than any other smell was the scent of others…like me. It was more than just a scent, which I cannot describe beyond calling it familiar. It was a knowing that profoundly affected my being.

When we docked, I gathered my things and couldn’t shake the feeling of another attempting to make contact, trying to plant an image in my mind. England was indeed better suited to us. The consistent gray cloud cover and the cooler climate imitated twilight. Still, I preferred the Caribbean or at least this is what I convinced myself.

I could feel my chest tighten as I walked along the dock. The emotion felt like fear, but it was something else…anticipation. I turned and caught the gloved hand that was about to tap me on the shoulder. I released the hand and stood perfectly still, astonished by the sight before me.

“Hello Nicholas.” Elizabeth said, bowing her head.

Betrayal

It had come to this. I wanted to believe that Antonio’s sudden change in disposition was genuine. That he finally understood what I was trying to accomplish. But it turned out he was simply biding his time, waiting for the appropriate moment to effect his plan.

Kayla was beginning to master her hunger, which was very impressive considering that Elizabeth was either unable or unwilling to do the same. I had not experienced any emotion I could identify as love for a long time but our relationship was deepening and becoming more than just a catalyst for my change.

It is said that when all your stars seem to be aligned you should be most vigilant. In retrospect I should have been more circumspect then. On the morning that it all changed something in my spirit was troubled. Antonio was now more adept at masking his feelings from me still there was a foreboding, which I dismissed.

I had asked Kayla to accompany me into town but she, had not fed a voraciously as was her custom and as a result, was unwell. As was my custom, I left Antonio in charge of the estates affairs and made the three-hour journey to the capital. She assured me she would be better after some rest and I decided I would finish my affairs as soon as was possible to ensure that tonight she sated her hunger. I should never have left.

As I met with trade liaisons in the capital I was overwhelmed by two emotions, Kayla’s fear and Antonio’s joy. Unspeakable images flashed before my mind’s eye and then there was darkness. I made haste with my apologies and my exit as hurried back to the estate using my supernatural speed as soon as I entered the forested areas that bordered my property. It was already nightfall, and I could see clear up the hardened dirt path leading to the front door of the main house. The door was ajar and light danced on the inside.

I could hear the voices conspiring. They belonged to Antonio’s minions, Rebecca and Bernadine. They spoke of murder. One already committed, the other they still plotted. I was at the door in an instant, but I had smelled the blood long before. It was Kayla’s. My fangs lengthened as I fought to control the rage and bloodlust that threatened to overpower my senses. Bernadine was hunched over Kayla’s limp body with her back to me. Rebecca bloodied and ablaze, faced me as I entered. She lunged at me, a frenzied, murderous ball of fire, but she was not match. As fast as she approached, she appeared to be moving almost backwards to me. I sidestepped her attack and grabbed a handful of hair jerking her head back violently. Still turning, I used my free hand and ripped the cartilage and bone of her neck out, before separating her head from her body. She hadn’t made a sound and now Bernadine faced me. With me eyes fixed on her, I retracted my fangs and spoke.

“You have decided your own fate.” I said looking at Kayla’s lifeless remains, which like Rebecca’s had become unrecognizable tissue. She hissed at me.

“Why?” I asked simply.

“The rightful leader will take his place.” She said smiling.

“Not before you take yours.” I said simply, attacking her with blinding speed. Like Rebecca she was no match for me and moments later I knelt beside Kayla’s remains and shed tears, for the first time in more than a century. There was no bringing her back.

That night there was a silence that I have never experienced and I could not sense the others of my kind. But they were out there and I would have my retribution.

Unrest

As my adopted twin island home reveled in its newfound independence and sought an identity separate from their colonial masters the seeds of discontent were beginning to bear fruit in my coven. Our numbers had swollen to fifteen but a select three had become my council. As our numbers grew I fought to regain the control that I could feel slipping away. I declared that none of our kind should be made by anyone outside the council, knowing that with our kind nothing short of a second death would be a deterrent. There had never been a death of our kind, but as the oldest I was prepared to reduce our numbers and was certain of my superior strength, skill and cunning to make good on this promise.

Antonio remained the only one of my direct making, but I understood that I was father to them all. Antonio became respected and feared by all except Elizabeth who seemed to know that none were as strong or powerful as I was. She had become uninterested with their relationship and had ceased to accommodate his physical desires. The coolness between Antonio and the council grew, as did the resentment I sensed from him. It was not long before I sensed that the divide had infected our coven and that eight of the nine, that were of Antonio’s making, began to align themselves with their maker in this matter of envy. I was saddened by how things had turned with Antonio, but I could not make him a prisoner to a friendship that had soured. I understood that you give your children your best and hope that they honor themselves and you. But, at some point they chart their own course and there is nothing that you can do.

And so it came to pass, when Antonio felt strong enough and had the unyielding support of his own, he came to me with an ultimatum. I was enjoying a quiet moment with Kayla, who was excited about her visit from Dominic. She had seen him, for the first time, a few weeks earlier. He was her Eli. We were both pleased with these developments because not all of us had these visitors and as far as I knew Antonio had never met his guardian.

We enjoyed these pre-twilight moments in a sunroom, adjacent to our bedroom. There was an office against the wall with an informal sitting area to the front of it and two large seats that faced the window separated by a coffee table. We sat at the window and I frowned as I felt his presence in our room.

“Forgive me.” He said, doing little to hide his contempt for Kayla.

“Not at all Antonio.”

“I would like a moment, in private.”

Kayla rose without a word and kissed me, before leaving the room and shutting the double doors. I too was becoming intolerant of the pretense.

“What is it Antonio?”

“There is a matter that we must discuss.” He said sitting next to me. “It is long over due.”

“Then please.”

“Of course. I want you to relinquish control of the coven.” He paused for a response. I said nothing. He continued. “You and Kayla will be allowed to stay at this house and carry on your affairs as you see fit. However, I will be responsible for our business matters and all the concerns of the House of Condé. I respect you as my maker, but I can see that you no longer have the resolve for the decisions which are required for our continued existence and our rightful place on this earth.”

Each bitter statement filled me with great remorse and sadness but I gave no superficial indications of my feelings. He sat and considered me with the confidence of a predator, before continuing.

“Good it’s settled. I want to assure you that your past kindnesses will not be ignored and both you and Kayla will be treated with respect.” As he stood to leave, I finally spoke.

“Sit down.” I said firm, but evenly. He sat. “I cannot allow you or anyone else to run this coven and I will not allow my existence to be dictated to me by you or anyone else in this coven. I have sensed your displeasure for some time, but I assure you that you will not like my displeasure visited upon you.” I could feel the anger rising within him, but he held it at bay. “This ends now, by your word.” I continued. “Or I will end it!”

As I watched him bow and leave the room I knew things were too far-gone. We had shown our hands and now we would play them to the bloody end.

We are not Jumbies

I suppose it is fair to say that nothing happened within my coven without my knowledge or consent. To say that all activities had my approval though is an entirely different matter. Antonio, in an attempt to provoke a response from Elizabeth, converted two others to our flock, which only provided him with options I expect because they were neither as beautiful nor as unattainable as our Elizabeth. Ultimately it did provoke a response, but I suspect not the one desired by Antonio. I was not surprised when Elizabeth came to me with her own proposition. She was becoming the natural leader of the females in our growing coven and was keen to make her own mark, so to speak, by making one of her own choosing. I had no way of knowing at the time that she intended her first as a gift to me.

Not all of the island's clairvoyants were opportunists, though they were in the majority, some had actual abilities to communicate with the supernatural and spirit world. These so called obeah practitioners understood how it felt to be the benefactors to abilities that came with particular burdens. Our nocturnal activities were not passing unnoticed, and for a time we were confused with our counterparts the jumbies and duennes that sought the possession and destruction of the human spirit. Jumbies and duennes though, were more similar to each other than they were to us. Jumbies were restless troubled spirits who searched for bodies to possess. They would often trick people late at night with sounds of crying babies or singing. Duennes were the actual spirits of babies who died before being protected by a holy seal, be it Christian baptism or otherwise. They were known to take young children as permanent playmates in the balance between this world and theirs. These spirits would call to young children under the guise of babies in straw hats with their feet turned backwards. We all glamour humans for our own motives, and I can certainly understand the mystification, but I just want to clear up any confusion that still persists. We are not jumbies or duennes. There is more to be said on the matter of jumbies later, but first I must return to the matter of my ‘gift.’

Kayla was a beautiful, honey-skinned native whose parents had moved to England so that their daughter could benefit from the, difficult, opportunities that existed for those considered part of the crown. She had a strong, curvy body, sensuous lips and bright brown eyes and had grown accustomed to using her considerable charms to survive. She had negotiated a strong education for herself and had returned to the islands eager to be part of the change that was sweeping the colonies. Elizabeth studied her for months before deciding that she would be her first and so Kayla had been changed for me.

It was these demonstrations of devotion to me that began to widen the divide between Antonio and myself. Kayla proved a wondrous distraction. I had lived a monk like existence for so long, denying myself the pleasures of the flesh as a measure of balance for the numerous lives I had taken. Allowing myself this pleasure added a new dimension unto my existence. Somehow I had managed to keep some part of my conscience alive and I did enjoy having a woman at my side again and playing father in a dysfunctional home.

At this time Eli became a frequent visitor once more and seemed pleased with my companionship. Still, there were the gentle reminders of a greater purpose and a higher calling but I was still unwilling to reconcile our abilities with anything inherently noble. For a time I allowed myself to be content with our grotesque and unconventional family. But this calm would not last. We are soucouyant after all and blood taints our affairs. I would soon be reminded of our collective nature.

The Myth is Born

Before getting to the islands I had seen and encountered other supernatural entities but most were male. I had not considered before what effect our essence would have on a female but I had assumed that it would not have been much difference. As it turned out, I was quite naive in my assessment. Men and women have quite distinct physiological psychologies and as a result we are affected in profoundly different ways by the thirst. For instance, whatever the chemical imbalances or physical defects that exist at the time of transformation now become very permanent imperfections regardless of experience or medical advancements. For better or worse our stasis, defied the passage of time.

I was intrigued by the changes in Elizabeth, initially. We don’t always conform to the romantic notions that humans have created for our ‘feeding’. While I can lengthen all my teeth at these times I choose to extend those closest to the corners of my smile for efficiency. Antonio, because of his devotion, has adopted a similar method, but not our Elizabeth. She feeds with an intensity and ferocity that I have never witnessed before extending all her teeth and becoming a grotesque image of what we all are inside. She seemed more comfortable than even Antonio with her new abilities, cost be damned. She was unable or, perhaps, unwilling to be controlled at night. Then, within a week of her making, the most significant transformation occurred.

The first time she shed her skin and flew out and around the plantation as a frenzied fireball I knew that our carefully guarded existence was in great peril. It was not necessary for her to shed her skin and become this creature to feed, but I suspect that she enjoyed the shock and horror that it provoked in her victims. In many ways she was a more honest version of us, than even I. There is no pretense or guile about her. Even Antonio who, was still enthralled by her and, considered himself a believer in the use of our abilities was concerned about her methods and her unique talents.

In a country that was still forming it’s own opinions about religion and identity, the stage was ripe for misunderstandings, myths and emerging folklore. Much of which was rooted in reality. It wasn’t long before local soothsayers and witchdoctors were being sought to explain and protect people from the attack of the woman whose skin blazed as she flew, and who left many dead. One of the gifts also passed on to Elizabeth was the ability to speak both Latin and French because of the bloodlines of Antonio and myself. She was often heard issuing commands in French because, she reasoned, Latin was a dead language. In time, she was being referred to as a Soucouyant and ingenious title that attempted to credit her as a French creature that fed off the blood of others and traveled as a ball of fire at night.

I have often marveled at the human ability to define that which they do not know or only have partial knowledge of. Still, it was a time of great caution for us, and fear for all who could fall victim. She enjoyed pleasures of the flesh with Antonio, but seemed more content in my company. This did not pass unnoticed, but I had no doubt about their respect and loyalty to me. The passage of time takes on less significance for those of my kind, but I could not help but feel distant during our pre twilight discussions and pity for my cursed kin at times. But what was greater was my sense of compassion and responsibility. Eli had been absent for quite some time, but I often felt his presence. At these moments I felt compelled to educate Elizabeth on the benefits of discretion for our kind.

She had become more sophisticated in her appearance and was almost unrecognizable to anyone who knew her from her previous life. Still, I thought it best that she establish her own quarters in the capital even though we were all aware that she would be with us most days. In time Elizabeth exercised more control over her thirst. She realized that it was not necessary to kill every victim and became more adept at passing unnoticed in the pre-dawn hours and leaving her mark. This, I suppose, only enhanced the mythology, causing the island mystics to proclaim there were many soucouyants roaming the islands. The myth was good for business. Old women who felt neglected by the world and had in turn turned their back on society were cause for much speculation. Still, our Elizabeth remained the only female in our nest. But this too would change.

The Coven

When Chacon opened his eyes for the first time I wasn’t sure what to expect. Would he be horrified or grateful for his new life? Would I have to take it from him? Could I?

I had fed on him until his heart ceased, until he belonged more to death than life. Then I dripped blood from a self-inflicted wound into his mouth until his lips became moist with the dark liquid, until he returned and fed for his first time.

Now I sat in the basement of my house and observed my first as he opened his eyes and found his legs. There was a bewildered look on his face as he wiped blood from his face and licked it from his hand. His eyes widened as he watched the wounds on my wrists repair themselves.

“What are you?” He asked from a kneeling position.

I paused, unsure of how to respond at first.

“I am enduring.” I said finally. “Isn’t that what God promises us all, eternal life?”

He considered my words for a moment before he broke into a bloody, toothy smile.

“And I, am I now enduring?” He enquired.

I smiled, surprised by this response to his question.

“Yes.” I said simply.

He closed his eyes and rose to his feet, drawing a deep breath before opening them again.

“At what cost?”

“There is much for you to learn. Come, the night is still young.”

That night I tried to instruct my first pupil and temper his frenzied feeding. He was a willing apprentice, but could barely contain his craving. As dawn approached and his thirst weakened, he understood that the priesthood was no longer his future. I envied his moment of sorrow because I knew in time he would feel less.

I hired him as a financial aide and he became a son, confidant and friend. He had so many questions and although time was no longer significant his new abilities were. For a time, the company of another was enough but it also heightened the sense of what was absent from our lives as masculine beings. The hunger had awakened a powerful sensual desire in us both and where I had resisted the urge before, Chacon had begun his quest for a mate to be re-made in our image. The irony was not lost on either of us.

Elizabeth Brathwaite was a beautiful almond-skinned mulatto fathered by an Englishman who eventually chose country over a relationship with his daughter. She was not alone in this regard, and was not given the breaks by her mother that her society was prepared to give a beautiful woman of appropriate complexion.

I hired her as a daytime cook and housekeeper for a few days a week for which she was well compensated. She was ambitious and discreet and, I felt, very well suited to becoming much more. I was not quite ready to increase our numbers, but Chacon seemed bewitched by her beauty. His unsuccessful attempts at glamouring her seemed only to intensify his desire.

In my presence, she seemed inquisitive. I enjoyed our conversations and tried to give her the benefit of my immortal experience. Chacon and I were not as close during this period as he decided that I might be a competitor for her affections. I cautioned that he should be patient in this matter because of all that was patently at stake. He agreed to be discreet, but of course my counsel only served to confirm in his mind my true intentions.

I had gone into to town having left the estate in his charge for the day. When I returned near dusk I could smell the air heavy with death. I followed a light trail that darkened down our steps to the basement and found the ghastly sight of Elizabeth feeding on Chacon, who appeared near death himself.

“Enough!” I said startling her. She stopped and turned to me. Her eyes at once feral and then just as suddenly tranquil. She bowed her head in shame.

“That’s enough for now young one.” I said looking on her with contempt and remorse.

“I did it.” Chacon said breathlessly as his wounds healed.

“So you have.” I said simply, unaware at that moment of just how much she would affect our future.

I the Maker

All I had seen of man’s atrocities helped me to embrace the monster I had become. My first conversation with Eli would not be my last, but these occasional conversations seemed my only connection to what was left of my humanity. I had, however, managed to create for myself a routine that caused my business interest to flourish while keeping my nocturnal activities away from scrutiny.

In my 150^th year of this existence I grew tired of traveling Europe, and in the year 1853, I made my way to Caribbean island of Trinidad for the first time. I had acquired a large cocoa estate in the north of the island and was intrigued by the new path these diverse peoples were carving for themselves. Slave emancipation had only come to their shores fifteen years earlier and droves of indentured laborers were arriving to meet the shortfall in plantation labor.

I was a bit of an oddity, not because of what I am but because of my nationality. This part French speaking nation had changed hands from the Spanish to the English so I suppose a blood sucking Frenchman is not completely peculiar. Truthfully though I no longer identified with France or the self-interest that was dominant in Europe. I was restless and repulsed by most of what I had seen. Still, I craved human companionship almost as much as blood.

I craved the freedom to expose my always-cold skin to the natural warmth of the sun. The rumors that you have heard of others of my kind and their inability to exist in sunlight are true, but I have never been adversely affected by sunlight. When I was made my hair was of shoulder length, thus I was stuck with it for an eternity. I was pale, but thankfully not morbidly so and had taken to wearing my hair in a ponytail and dressing in cotton shirts, almost always white, and khaki or dark colored trousers. It was during this period that I transitioned from only thinking of making others like myself. Where before I had seen others in my travels with similar afflictions and sworn to spare anyone this existence, I now managed to convince myself that this was indeed a gift and I could be a father and mentor to my own creations.

Antonio Chacon was my first. He was a member of the movement to save the souls, of all brown islanders by introducing them to Christianity. He had been in their country so long working amongst its people that he had acquired a near local accent in his dealings with them. Chacon had a wiry frame and tanned, weathered features. His short cropped black hair; flowing robes and confident demeanor gave him a maturity beyond his twenty seven years. His was close to being ordained and was enamored with the island and its people. Consequently when his brother, the former Governor, returned to Spain he decided to stay on to do God’s work.

He made his way to my plantation to invite me to fellowship and was pleased that we could sit as Spaniard and Frenchman and discus numerous subjects, including religion. I politely declined his invitation, and instead extended my own invitation of conversation and friendship. Although he had answered a quite specific and challenging calling, he still questioned the terms of his covenant and had found our weekly conversations over tea, quite stimulating. Two months into our friendship one of those discussions sealed his fate.

“I know what you are.” Chacon said confidently, taking a sip from his cup before returning it to its saucer. His unblinking gaze fixed on me.

“Do you?” I said, arching an eyebrow.

“Yes, you are an independent thinker who does not believe in anything he cannot prove beyond reason. And because of your intellect and experience you challenge the existence of God.”

“Are you calling me a heretic Chacon?”

“Oh heavens no. I just think you are waiting on definitive proof.”

“I see. You’re calling me a skeptic.”

“I guess I am.” He said bursting into laughter.

“Well, what if I told you I was neither. What if I told you that there’s more to what you believe and that I can show you?”

His eyes widened and I could feel his heartbeat quicken.

“Go on.” He said hesitantly.

“Let us continue this conversation indoors.” I said rising. “It is getting dark.”

I lead him to my basement and following La Safer’s lead, I created another. I had corrupted a man of God and become a maker. It would be the beginnings of the House of Condé.

I am not Alone

In my mortal days I, like many of you, was aware of an unseen presence at different times in my life. There were times when this presence brought me comfort and other times when it only enhanced doubt and fear. But it is easier to rationalize these feelings as some sort of faceless feeling of peace or apprehension…that is unless you have seen the truth.

I have seen these unseen watchers amongst us. I see them now only because my eyes and my sight no longer belong to this world. At first I was unable to distinguish between them. These attractive, impeccably attired beings shared characteristics, but there were differences. Because echoes of my humanity still persist, there are those amongst us with whom I feel what I can only describe as an intense remorse for my very existence. And of course there are the others with whom I feel a strong sense of kinship.

One evening as I sat in a private booth having a cup of tea, anticipating the thirst, one whose presence was becoming a constant companion engaged me. He approached quietly, his benevolent gaze fixed on me. I felt at once ashamed and tranquil. As with La Safer, I could not be sure whether or not his lips moved when he spoke, but I was certain that I alone was aware of his presence.

“I am Eli.” He said before sitting. All I could do was wordlessly admire his perfection.

“There is more to this existence. Another may have created you however you still have choices. First you must learn to master this appetite.” The word appetite resonated with me and I felt the hunger return with great intensity. At this point I am not sure whether I left his company, or he mine.

I have had my own theories on these entities, much of which have been proven true over centuries of existence. These spirit watchers of good and evil, angels and demons if you like, stand in vigilance over our every thought and deed. They can assist and intercede on our behalf but only if there is a sincere belief, desire and need on our parts. These pre-existing conditions must all be met because of our gift of free will. Thus, the un-explained warning of danger you sense is an angel speaking to you through the spirit connection of your unconscious and that desire to do harm or evil would be his demon counterpart doing the same. This is the divine struggle that is being waged constantly for our souls.

How do I then reconcile my own existence and actions you might ask? And I would respond that this question is asked in hindsight without the benefit of my experience or knowledge. There is so much more I will share. For now I will concede this, that from all I have seen, I know that these lines between good and evil have been blurred over time by blood and it will take the help of the fallen, as well, to save our humanity.

A new Existence

In the first months of my new life I fought to create an average existence for myself. There was no fear of being caught, or even consequence, but there was the fear of having to leave familiar surroundings before I understood what I had become.

I decided it would be best to maintain particular appearances. I had not been on particularly good terms with my family, before the deaths of those closest to me, but I remained friendly with my first cousin Louis II de Bourbon, son to my mother’s sister. He was a highly skilled and very efficient soldier but I enjoyed his discretion and the ease of his company. The time we spent discussing religion, the changing political landscape of France and impending war, almost made my affliction feel like something less monstrous than the greed of men.

However my nights continued to be my bane. I anticipated my heightened self with an unhealthy fascination. So strong was the need to feed, at this time, that I would often excuse myself from my cousins company in anticipation of twilight. I had taken to carrying a satchel with ‘dinner clothes’ to attract less suspicion, but there was an empty confidence and primal power that was especially heightened at these times that intoxicated even my own sensibilities.

At times, I imagined that Louis suspected something, how could he not? But I had been through a personal tragedy that had sent many in my time to the asylum, so allowances for idiosyncratic behavior were made. For a time I even toyed with sharing my secret with Louis, or worse. But before I could commit either mistake he was summoned by the king to lead the forces of our region, against the encroaching Spanish. He requested that I join him as his second in command, but I thought better of it.

I was more comfortable with my abilities during the daylight hours. My financial concerns were growing and I was becoming very adept at using my hypnotic glance to influence more than my nocturnal victims to yield to my will. Louis was the closest thing to a friend that still remained from my old life, but with him gone I returned in earnest to my conflict. The more comfortable I became in my skin, the more I was unsettled by the attention of others. In some ways there seemed to be more beings on earth. There were those who did not find my gaze glamorous and from whom I could detect a strange kinship. I was most unsettled by the constant presence of one in particular that seemed to take a particular interest in me. I was reminded of La Safer when I noticed his constant watch and for the first time I considered what the limits of my existence were, and the intent of others like me.

Re-made in Death

In the moments before I opened my eyes to this new life, I died. I endured mortal pain for the last time. It was excruciating. I felt my chest expand, bones break and my heart implode. And then I felt nothing. There was no heartbeat, only silence.

Then I tasted the blood, dark, sensuous, rich with life and my heart started again. Pounding in my ears, I felt the presence of another heart and I opened my eyes and saw the creature before me. The one I was feeding on. A wonderfully grotesque figure, with an imposing physical presence and what appeared to be oversized, soft, warm wings that engulfed us both. But this new hunger was more powerful than any fear I might have felt. I closed my eyes and continued to feed and then I heard a familiar voice.

“Slowly young one.” He said with a benevolence I had not detected in his tone before. “This is your first day and there is much more.”

I continued to drink, slower, feeling now what I can only describe as a sacred connection with Henry la Safer. It was as though I could communicate with him wordlessly, and he with I. At this point I could not even be sure if he was speaking.

“You’ve had enough.” He said finally and again I opened my eyes. Now he appeared mortal again, and painfully handsome. He looked at me with a father’s admiration, before eventually saying. “I have given you all you will ever need to get all you have ever wanted. Go now, and do what you must.”

And then he was gone. So abrupt was his disappearance that, for a moment, I questioned the certainty of all that preceded it. In the hours left before dawn, on this new day, all I could still taste was blood. I felt physically stronger, superior really, and all my senses felt extreme. I could see well beyond a thousand yards. I could now hear the heartbeats of persons asleep in their homes. I could smell everything mortal for miles but the hunger for more blood was more overpowering than any of these new abilities.

My very first victim was a young banker contentedly making his way home after spending an intimate evening with his love. I could smell her perfume and her sweat mingled with his musk and I could here the blood pumping from his heart. He looked up with a pleasant smile and caught my eyes and his smile broadened. I backed into a dark alley and I could almost feel his pulse slow as his pupils widened. He seemed entranced by me and even though it felt like I had just fed I was eager to drain his life from him. As my teeth tore at his flesh and sank into an artery, his body fought to cling to life. But he was no match for my strength or savagery.

I fed on five more unfortunate souls before dawn in an attempt to sate my new thirst and as my appetite ebbed I was horrified by the cost of my new existence.

Will you Invite me in?

People have unrealistic expectations. Not just of others, but mostly of themselves. I believe it comes from living in a cocoon from truth, from reality, until they are forced to face life or death in all its glory or horror. I remember when I was one of you, long before I returned to this island called Trinidad to begin this memoir of my existence. I am called Nicolas de Bourbon, but I am not truly known by most others that walk the earth. Perhaps this is why I do this, so that you can know that your fear of the shadows and things that go bump in the night pale in comparison to the truth. That I exist is far worse than anything you can imagine.

I can recall my human beginnings, before I became what I am now. It was my fortieth year and I was a wealthy, French aristocrat without a fear or need. I was fortunate enough to be the benefactor of years of studies in the arts and philosophy and arrogantly and ignorantly thought that wealth and power was my birthright. But within the span of six months I lost my parents and my pregnant wife to the plague. Everything I considered sacred and safe slipped through my hands like sand and I looked to alcohol and faceless lovers for answers.

Consumed by self-pity, and at my lowest point, I cursed God and prayed for death. Henry de la Safer answered my request. It was with la Safer, or as I have suspected ever since, Lucifer, that I made the deal that has sealed my fate. It is because of me that people on this island, named for the Trinity, have told stories of supernatural occurrences, banshees, deranged old women called soucouyants who can peel off their skin and turn into balls of fire at night, to drain the blood of their victims.

I am the first of my kind, but there are others that can be called vampire. Even more who have made their own bargains and are cursed with other paranormal afflictions. I have much more to tell you of my makings and my experience, but dusk beckons and I must heed her call. Just as you non-believers should heed mine…there are forces of good and evil at work and they require neither your permission nor your belief to exist.