Sometimes the cost of peace is far greater than we are willing to pay. Still, you can take heart in the benefit to the many, the greater good, uneven as it may feel. Richard stayed on for a while tending to personal matters, ridding us of every major threats. He had not yet taken his exact measure of blood and when he had I knew he would never be the same. Thus began another period of peace marked by pain and loss.
I felt such deep anguish observing his interactions with his mother in the months following his mission of vengeance. He had lost a significant parts of himself, first his wife and child and then through his quest for revenge. Now he had to face that hole in himself and come to terms with what he was and what he had done.
Ngozi wanted so desperately to save her son, but in a strange way they were giving each other permission to go on, to forgive themselves. In the months that Richard stayed with us he had not reclaimed any of what he had lost but he was restored. It was amazing to see, and be reminded of, how powerful human love is.
Richard had given his mother the greatest gift he ever could. His forgiveness, in the face of his own loss, allowed her to make amends. She was finally able to let go. She died quietly after a rare dinner shared by all of us and we found ourselves saddened but not sad. She had said goodbye to us in her own way and she was ready to move on.
Richard surprised me by staying on for three weeks after his mother passed, acknowledging that we shared this particular loss. I also felt that he didn’t blame me for his mother’s death. I was sad to see him leave. He promised he would visit, we even shared a smile. I couldn’t help but think that, at least for now, he had not lost his humanity.
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