The Living Dead

There was nowhere to run to. In fact my estate was safer than most places that we could be under these particular circumstances. I understood that my death was not Marcus’ immediate goal. He had made his, bloody, point and would give us all time to consider the implications, to mourn and appreciate the lesson.

Ngozi understood his loss in a way that I couldn’t beyond my intentional sense of guilt. They talked quietly for hours and shared tears, achieving the kind of beautiful intimacy that is only capable with people who have a shared transformative experience…mortals. I stayed out of sight, but couldn’t help but hear their exchanges.

His name, I learned, was Winston. He realized from very young that he wasn’t only aware of the injustices of his island existence, but he also seemed to have an unusual ability for expressing the complexities of these situations in very accessible language. But there was no place for a truth teller in a society that was suspicious of its own citizenry and still felt a twisted sense of loyalty to its colonial past.  His talent pushed him to the fringes of his own society where he became a champion to the masses and occasional entertainment to the upper class. An outsider.

And while he wrestled with his grief and feelings about me, there was lots more for me to consider. I was not sure that I could save them both. But that was Marcus’ point. He saw any prolonged interaction with mortals as a futile exercise in inevitable loss. He loved referring to them as mortal, because of what it not so subtly said about us. Of course, in a very practical way he was right. Still, what I remembered of being human went way beyond avoiding uncomfortable situations. I recalled the choices and opportunities for growth and progress as long as our actions delivered on the promise of our intent. I exist with the consequences of my own error in judgement and believe I still have the opportunity to change.

Perhaps we were both misguided idealist, but I felt disingenuous for feeling empty about the possibility of immortality. Two more lives hung in the balance and I was weary of having so much power and so little control. Maybe a certain death was the only way to save them both...