Family

I had never shared myself, my story, with anyone before. Even Antonio was given an abridged version. Still, as I listened to Malcolm’s heartbeat slow I realized that I trusted this man and his family. He seemed to genuinely care for me. So I talked, for a long time, in great detail about my life as a mortal and of my new life. He listened intently and his fleeting looks of horror were always underscored by a more lasting look of sadness and concern. When I was finished we sat in silence for a few moments, both unsure of what came after such a revelation. Finally Malcolm broke his silence.

“I know it’s true. I know it’s true.” He repeated as though still trying to convince himself. “But some of what you say…is difficult to believe.” He looks at me and his eyes are brimming, shiny with tears and I feel the kind of shame I have no memory of feeling before.

“I will not harm you or your family.” I say it, because I want to reassure him and I can’t think of anything else and I regret the words almost instantly as he smiles to reassure me.

“I know.” He says simply. “I don’t know how I know, but I know.” We both laugh. A nervous tension breaker, but nonetheless genuine. It’s late and none of his questions or my concerns would be put to rest tonight. I am overwhelmed by the feelings that accompany the sharing of my dark secret. I’m surprised that I could feel anything at all. Before long I feel the tears rolling down my cheek, dripping from my face, and I make no attempt to wipe them away. Malcolm is crying as well and I feel deeply grateful for this human expression.

“Your family will be concerned.” I say shakily. “I will get you home safely.” I add rising slowly. He rises as well. As he turns and walks towards the door I feel compelled to say more. “Thank you.” I say, and he doesn’t just seem to understand he does. He nods and we leave and that’s when I decide. I will share my knowledge and experience with this kind man and his family. Their color puts them at a disadvantage, even here in what has been reclaimed as their own country and I want to help level the playing field. It will never be payment enough for helping me rediscover and value my humanity.

Although I live in a different world, I also share theirs and in the days and weeks that follow I allow myself to participate in mortal endeavors. More than that, I enjoy the pretense, maybe because with them it feels less like an act…more like a second act. Having seen as much as I have and experienced even more I feel that very little can surprise me.

Still, I am truly surprised twice in the weeks following my confession. Malcolm is a good husband and I can tell that the burden of my secret is now his. He is reluctant to betray my trust, but he shares all things with his wife. The contradiction divides him and when he comes to me to talk I already know what troubles him. He assures me that she will understand, that she already considers me family. The children think I am a long lost uncle. Before he finishes his argument I concede, of course I say, we’ll tell her and deal with the consequences. She does understand, moreover she is relived that there’s a good explanation for everything albeit an extraordinary one. Then I set foot in a church and despite my legitimate concerns and the legends about how my kind can be killed or slowed I do not burst into flames and I am not struck by lightning.

I discover more about acceptable alternatives to human blood and learn more about myself than I have in decades. Then in the midst of the calm I am overwhelmed by a strong sense of foreboding, but with me and perhaps my kind this is always an indicator of something more tangible. I start seeing Eli again, but he doesn’t speak he just appears looking remorseful. I think about Louis and Elizabeth and the others. Then I think of my new family and their fragile existence. I decide I am their protector. Whatever is coming will have me to reckon with.