A new Existence

In the first months of my new life I fought to create an average existence for myself. There was no fear of being caught, or even consequence, but there was the fear of having to leave familiar surroundings before I understood what I had become.

I decided it would be best to maintain particular appearances. I had not been on particularly good terms with my family, before the deaths of those closest to me, but I remained friendly with my first cousin Louis II de Bourbon, son to my mother’s sister. He was a highly skilled and very efficient soldier but I enjoyed his discretion and the ease of his company. The time we spent discussing religion, the changing political landscape of France and impending war, almost made my affliction feel like something less monstrous than the greed of men.

However my nights continued to be my bane. I anticipated my heightened self with an unhealthy fascination. So strong was the need to feed, at this time, that I would often excuse myself from my cousins company in anticipation of twilight. I had taken to carrying a satchel with ‘dinner clothes’ to attract less suspicion, but there was an empty confidence and primal power that was especially heightened at these times that intoxicated even my own sensibilities.

At times, I imagined that Louis suspected something, how could he not? But I had been through a personal tragedy that had sent many in my time to the asylum, so allowances for idiosyncratic behavior were made. For a time I even toyed with sharing my secret with Louis, or worse. But before I could commit either mistake he was summoned by the king to lead the forces of our region, against the encroaching Spanish. He requested that I join him as his second in command, but I thought better of it.

I was more comfortable with my abilities during the daylight hours. My financial concerns were growing and I was becoming very adept at using my hypnotic glance to influence more than my nocturnal victims to yield to my will. Louis was the closest thing to a friend that still remained from my old life, but with him gone I returned in earnest to my conflict. The more comfortable I became in my skin, the more I was unsettled by the attention of others. In some ways there seemed to be more beings on earth. There were those who did not find my gaze glamorous and from whom I could detect a strange kinship. I was most unsettled by the constant presence of one in particular that seemed to take a particular interest in me. I was reminded of La Safer when I noticed his constant watch and for the first time I considered what the limits of my existence were, and the intent of others like me.